


One, Two... Reddie!

by MrsSarabiHolmes



Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti), IT - Stephen King
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon LGBTQ Character, Canon LGBTQ Male Character, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Gay, Hurt/Comfort, LGBTQ Character, LGBTQ Themes, Love, M/M, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-01
Updated: 2021-01-19
Packaged: 2021-02-27 10:41:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 11
Words: 13,499
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22075645
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MrsSarabiHolmes/pseuds/MrsSarabiHolmes
Summary: Richie is acting strange with Eddie lately. He can't seem to deal with his growing feelings and attraction to his best friend. Eddie is worried their friendship is falling apart and tries to keep it going. But as they grow closer, they will have to face enemies together... With the Loser Club disbanded, will Richie and Eddie be able to face what is to come? Or will they drift apart? Remember, this will be a bittersweet and violent ride. For love is never easy... not in Derry.
Relationships: Eddie Kaspbrak & Richie Tozier, Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier
Comments: 6
Kudos: 45





	1. Confused Perspectives

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone! 
> 
> Here's my new Reddie! This is a multiple chapters one, and it's going to be a bittersweet ride.
> 
> I really hope you enjoy it. And please leave comments, I love to discuss with you.
> 
> Disclaimer: I don't own anything about IT by Stephen King nor the movies, except the very idea for this specific fanfiction. Thank you!

“Beat'cha! Haha, sucker!”

Richie laughed and brandished his left fist as he held onto the Sega Genesis controller in his right hand. Eddie groaned and threw his slim black controller on the couch and let himself fall into the backseat. His T-shirt brushed against Richie's shoulder and the victor tensed.

But he put on a smirk as fast as lightning to hide his light blush. He turned his head to Eddie.

“Told you… I'm invincible,” Richie said with a wink.

Eddie looked at him and chuckled.

“Yeah, I guess…”

They shared a look, nostalgia hitting them both at the same time despite their youth. Plus, weren't Eddie's eyes just beautiful? Wasn't he just… awesome, all in all? Richie shook his head and looked back at the paused video game screen. A shooter.

It was sad really, that they the Loser Club had all disbanded after that… disgusting (and rather annoying, a pain in the ass!) Pennywise. All except Richie and Eddie. It was always the two of them. But it had grown difficult being in the same room as Eddie as they grew up… Eddie stayed the same, just older (if 14 was old). But Richie… Richie grew insecure, afraid of his own growing feelings towards his best friend. Afraid of himself. It was hard, being the ugly-faced, loud mouth in love with his best friend. But Eddie was oblivious—both a blessing and a curse.

“Let's play something else. I'm sure I can beat you properly,” Eddie said, trying to cheer up the sombre mood.

“Naahhh, I've gotta be home soon.” Richie smiled in a soft manner at Eddie. “But you could never beat me. Scaredy-cat.”

Eddie lifted up his chin and crossed his arms.

“Too bad… Hey! There are many dangerous things, okay?! First of all, microbes!”

Richie laughed and slapped his friend on the shoulder.

“Yeah, right…”

His heart warmed at how Eddie was just… so himself. So simple, so funny, so panicky…

Damn, damn, stop thinking like this! He'd be freaked out. YOU'RE a freak.

Richie gulped and pushed himself up from the sofa, throwing the controller next to Eddie.

“See you tomorrow. Be sure not to catch anything while I'm gone… Who'll I beat otherwise?”

Eddie rolled his eyes. “Urgh, shut up, Richie.” But he still smiled up at him.

And Richie's heart melted right there. That's when his pulse heightened and blood raced in his veins. He had to get out, now! Away from this, from himself, from Eddie.

So he grabbed his brown backpack and ran up the stairs, barely waving at Eddie. Ashamed with himself.

He was a loser, all right. A despicable and a pitiful one at that.

But Eddie didn't have to know.

* * *

_He’s so weird now. Hope he’s not distancing himself…_

Eddie grabbed his inhaler and pressed it, his heart racing as stress and fear engulfed him. Losing the gang was already enough, he couldn’t imagine losing Richie too!

No, no, no, there had to be something he could do to keep him around. Richie’s behaviour was unstable and just plain weird. He’d grown shy, easily angered and awkward around him. Eddie doubted this was normal. In fact, he was terrified at the idea that their friendship was slowly disintegrating.

_What if he doesn’t want to be my friend anymore?_

He inhaled again then put it back in his pocket. Eddie stood up and switched the TV off before climbing up the stairs quickly. What could he do that would show to Richie he mattered? That their friendship was worth saving?

“Eddie! Would you bring me that cutting board and that knife?”

Eddie gasped and put a hand over his heart, nearly falling back down the stairs. His mom was pointing to the counter where the kitchen objects lay.

“Y-yes, mom! Gosh, you scared me!”

He panted and went to grab them. But Richie wouldn’t leave his thoughts. Eddie didn’t want to lose another friend… Actually, his best and only friend. There was no way that could happen.

“Quicker than this, Eddie!”

Eddie smiled awkwardly as he put down the cutting board and the knife on the table. Her mother gently tapped his cheek and pointed at her own. Eddie sighed, relieved Richie wasn’t here to tease him about it. He leaned closer to his mom and dropped a kiss on her cheek.

He turned around and walked to his bedroom, sadness constricting his heart. He didn’t know what to do… What would keep Richie around?

As Eddie stepped into his bedroom and closed his door, his eyes fell upon two arcade coins on his bare desk. He lifted his chin, his eyes widening.

“Arcade! That’s it!” he exclaimed to himself, hitting his palm with his fist.

_Richie loves it!_

Eddie chuckled and smiled. This was a perfect plan. If he offered to go to a place Richie loved, he’d surely see Eddie cared. And perhaps Richie still would…

_The arcade it is, then._


	2. I'm So Sorry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Richie and Eddie go to the arcades just like they used to with the Loser Club. While Eddie's hoping to reestablish closeness between the two, Richie is plagued by bad memories and his own fear.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, everyone!
> 
> This chapter is more emotional than the first one. TW for self-homophobia. 
> 
> Like I said, this fanfic will go from sweet to dark, then sweet, and so on... So be sure to be in for the ride!
> 
> We'll have fun!
> 
> Thank you, and as always, leave a comment or kudos.
> 
> I love to know if you like it, it gives me more energy to continue writing it.
> 
> \- MrsSarabiHolmes

Walking into that arcade place was scary. Genuinely scary. The last time he’d gone into it, he’d had fun, sure… And met a cute, kind guy. Who just happened to be Henry Bowers’s fucking _cousin_.

Richie gulped and stared at the sign as he reminisced how people had insulted him, calling him a fag, and how he’d run away crying… The only good thing, if that was even positive, was his memory of his carving his and Eddie’s initials into wood two years ago.

Why did he accept to come here?

“Let’s go, man!” Eddie exclaimed, clapping his hands.

Richie turned to him and smiled. This wouldn’t be like last time. Not with Eddie around. That cute guy two years ago was fine but… not his Eddie. Wait, no, Eddie wasn’t _his_ but–

“Yeah, sure, if you want me to beat your ass!” Richie claimed, pompous.

Eddie laughed, a clear, happy sound to Richie’s ears. His friend grabbed the door handle and pulled it open.

“After you, silly,” Eddie said with a grin.

“Watch out, there might be germs,” Richie pointed out before stepping into the arcade.

Eddie’s face fell, and he grimaced at the door handle. He quickly let it go and rushed after Richie. The sounds of cars racing and guns and Pac-Man eating ghosts engulfed them. And the smell of heaviness and sweat in the air… Oh, Richie’d forgotten how much he loved it! His heart thumped in his chest and he turned to Eddie. They were both grinning like the kids they used to be. Together, happy.

But there was something in Eddie’s eyes… Was it relief? Richie couldn’t tell. But whatever it was, it melted his heart; it was so soft.

“Erm… Okay, coins!” Eddie said, searching his pockets for money.

When he found some, Eddie went to the small standing coin machine and inserted his quarters and dollars. Not many, but enough to have a good time playing. Richie slipped his hand in his pocket, but Eddie shook his head.

“No, no. _I’m_ paying.”

Richie looked at him, taken aback. He mumbled a thanks followed by a small smile. He heard the coins falling into the little tray before he could see them. Eddie grabbed the coins and offered half of them to him.

“Now, what do you want to play?”

Richie looked around: the shooting games were fun, but Eddie had a few back home—still, they were Richie’s favourites; the fighting games were hilarious, but energy-draining with all their shouting; and as for the races, they were okay. Bad memories tried to come up, layering themselves over this fun time he had with Eddie (which came out of nowhere on Eddie’s part, Richie recalled), but Richie pushed them back. He was with Eddie and intended to enjoy it. Just like he used to. After all, they were both nerds in their own ways. And video games were just too damn fun!

“Shooting game. That one,” Richie said, pointing at the tallest arcade.

Eddie’s smile grew wide, and he ran to the spot, inserting his two coins into the machine. The arcade had a big screen and two guns: one red, one blue. Richie always went for the red, and he was relieved to see Eddie going for the blue.

A crude 3D image appeared on the screen, introducing the game’s storyline. The usual stuff: they were spies and needed to go undercover in the enemy’s base. But they were suckers for that type of game. Richie lifted his gun and positioned his right foot above the pedal, ready to take cover when needed. Eddie did the same.

And the shooting began. They shot at enemies, Richie aiming for the heads and missing only a few times whereas Eddie was more careful, hitting the enemies’ chests. The duo laughed and chuckled, taking cover a few seconds apart.

“You’re slow!” Richie shouted at Eddie with a grin.

Eddie smiled and shot at a character’s arm before pressing the pedal to reload.

“I’m _clever_ ,” Eddie retorted in a haughty tone of voice.

They both burst out laughing and kept on playing the game. Until they tried to make the other lose their video game life, Richie nudging Eddie with his shoulder, laughing. Eddie counterattacked with a soft punch on Richie’s arm, and they kept laughing.

“Yeah,” Richie admitted, a soft flutter in his heart.

The boys teased each other for a good while longer. At some point, they didn’t even focus on the game and missed the screen that announced they’d move up a level. Richie felt so light, his heart all fuzzy and his head all empty of worries. A smile was plastered on his face almost permanently. Amid a new fight in the game, to which they’d partially returned, Richie turned his head to watch Eddie. His heart thumped against his ribcage and his breath hitched. A wave of love submerged him, quickly followed by fear twisting his gut and constricting his heart like between two walls closing in.

Richie gasped as he realized how… _unnatural_ this all was. How much of a freak he was. He _wanted_ to touch his best friend’s body, he _desired_ him, he _longed_ to kiss him… and claim Eddie as his boyfriend. The unbidden memory of the fag insults and his time cut short with Henry’s cousin speared his head. Scared at his love for Eddie, Richie dropped the plastic gun, which hung sadly at the end of its cord, and shook his head.

“Stop! This is stupid!”

Eddie’s head snapped in his direction, a puzzled look on his sweet face. Worry was etched on his features.

“I can let you win, if that’s what you’re worrying about…” Eddie said in a small voice.

Richie grabbed his head between his hands and grunted. “I don’t want to play anymore! It’s for _children_!”

His heart was definitely running a race, and guilt was lacing its poison in his veins. He couldn’t tell Eddie; it was also too much to bear… Eddie swallowed then put the gun into its socket. He wiped his hands on his red shorts. Was he nervous? Worried? Richie thought it sure looked like he was. Eddie seemed… scared.

**_I’M_ ** _the one who should be afraid!_

Richie knew he’d just ruined their fun time, but he had to backtrack. He couldn’t get too close… he’d get burned. And he didn’t want to be so _bad_ , nor to bring Eddie down with him. Eddie was so much better… Eddie was perfect.

“I’m sorry… I thought it’d be nice,” Eddie apologized, attempting a small smile, shuffling his feet.

_And I’m sorry I love you, Eddie…_


	3. I'll Be Better

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eddie tries his best to calm down Richie's tantrum and invites him to take pictures into the photo booth. Richie's emotions pull in all direction as they get closer, but something clicks in him. Maybe he shouldn't be so distant.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone!
> 
> This chapter is cute, and the next three will be bittersweet. Afterwards, it'll start getting sad and violent, just a heads-up!
> 
> I hope you enjoy this new chapter!
> 
> As always, leave a comment or kudos. 
> 
> \- MrsSarabiHolmes

Eddie shuffled his feet and grimaced smiles, but nothing worked. Not even his apologies. His heart squeezed, then fell to his stomach. They’d had such a good time! And now… Richie was acting in a way he couldn’t comprehend. Or at least, he did but hoped not. His best friend _was_ trying to break their friendship, right?

He wouldn’t let that happen. He couldn’t!

“I just… Perhaps we should be better…” Richie said in a strangled voice.

Eddie’s blood turned cold, and he clenched his fists. He put a foot before him out of anger and stared straight at Richie’s face.

“Better?! We’re having fun!”

Richie looked momentarily lost, as though Eddie had slapped him, which he felt like doing to be honest. Richie then groaned and scratched the back of his head, avoiding his best friend’s inquisitive and hurt gaze.

“Nevermind…”

Eddie sighed and let go of his furious stance. Fighting would lead them nowhere… Heck, Eddie was trying to keep them together! No, anger wouldn’t work… He gulped.

“I thought that… you’d like to do like we used to.”

They both exchanged a look. Eddie’s eyes were pleading, scared while Richie’s were grave and fixed. It lasted only a few seconds, but Eddie felt like this was too much. Like he was being judged, somehow. And this tasted sour…

_Shit! It’s… crumbling._

Eddie, desperate for a sudden solution -any solution, really-, glanced around. He smiled when his eyes fell upon the arcades’ photo booth. He ran and stopped next to it, pointing at its interior concealed by a small curtain.

“How about this? It’s nice…” he said. “I’m sure your sis would like my faces.”

Eddie giggled, nervous. Richie’s face was blank for a little while before a grin broke on his lips. He came to meet Eddie and nodded once. They stood idly there, smiling at each other like lovesick fools.

“She’s got poor taste, anyway,” Richie retorted. “I’ll make the best faces!”

Eddie let out a genuine, surprised laugh. At least their banter was still in action. They could definitely hang onto that. It was like a rope given to him down into a filling well… Eddie’s heart fluttered inexplicably, and he followed Richie behind the curtain.

They crammed against each other on the small bench, their clothes, legs and arms touching. But feeling Richie next to him was pleasant… reassuring, even.

“I hope you’re not ill or anything,” Eddie told him with a frown, a fearful thought crossing his mind.

Richie raised an eyebrow at him and smirked. “If I am, I’ll make sure to cough on you.”

“Geez….” Eddie said with a laugh.

Eddie pushed his shoulder, then bent over to pay for the photoshoot. Though he stopped midway as he was about to insert a quarter into the machine.

“Ready?”

Richie grimaced a smile and rubbed his hands on his thighs. Eddie found it curious… Was it stress? Richie was never stressed! He was always cool, laid back, and a loud mouth. Which Eddie admired; he could never be like that… well, the loud mouth, maybe, with all their banter. But the rest, nah… Richie was something else. His best friend. Again, he felt a squeeze at his heart, but this time, it wasn’t painful… it was soft.

_What the fuck?_

“Sure, bring it on!” Richie exclaimed, his confidence back on it seemed.

Eddie finished inserting the quarter and quickly sat back, getting ready for the pictures. In case Richie’s temper would flare again (still for unknown reasons), Eddie left the most space between them he could-which was next to nothing, but he tried. Otherwise, Richie might throw another tantrum, and Eddie didn’t want to risk it. This was his chance to keep their friendship going.

He cocked his head and smiled, putting two fingers behind Richie’s head. Richie stuck out his tongue and puffed out his cheeks. It was just the two of them now… And Eddie loved it. Right at this moment, he swore to himself he’d do anything to keep them together. No matter the cost. He had to find a way to pierce Richie’s barrier, and get closer… so as to ensure they’d keep hanging out. But how?

The booth took the picture, blinding them for a second. Right after, Eddie turned his head to Richie and smiled. He scooted closer, which wasn’t hard to do in this narrow booth, and closed the tiny gap between them.

_There, all I have to do is get closer…_

Richie gasped and his eyes widened right as the booth took another picture.

* * *

Feeling Eddie’s body against his was highly pleasant and soft but surprising. Maybe a tad scary too. Richie’s cheeks flamed, and he turned his head to make sure no one could see him. His heart raced in his chest and warmth crept up his body. But no one could see them, they were hidden by the curtain… concealed from hateful views. A small smile appeared on his lips as he decided to allow himself this moment with Eddie. So close. It was as though behind this curtain, together with Eddie against him, Richie was safe to be himself. To be in love with his best friend.

Just for now.

Richie grinned and threw an arm around Eddie’s neck, pulling a face at the camera. Eddie chuckled and did the same. The booth took the other picture and they laughed, nudging each other on the shoulders.

“Let’s make our worst faces!” Richie suggested with a lightness in his heart.

“Okay! But you’ll probably win,” Eddie retorted.

“True. But your mom loves my faces in her bed.”

They both burst out laughing, but they didn’t have time to position themselves into pulling awful faces as the camera took the last picture of them having fun together. Richie blinked and grinned. Happiness and love burst in him as they stared at each other, waiting for the strip of pictures to come out of the machine. But Eddie was faster: he threw his arms around Richie and hugged him tightly. Richie’s heart did a somersault, and he closed his eyes, hugging him back. They could hear the pictures coming out, but they held onto each other longer than usual. Something passed between them in silence… Like an implicit promise, that they’d always be there for each other.

Richie gulped his strong emotions, and told himself that maybe, maybe if he tried not to be so distant with Eddie, things would be better… Being this close to him was everything Richie wanted. Even though he worked on self-preservation, it had rocked their relationship dangerously. What if he worried less and opened up more?

They pulled away from their embrace and Richie bent over to grab the strip of black and white pictures. Eddie pointed at them, laughing. But Richie’s eyes were fixed upon the one where they were caught laughing together and something clicked in him. A new determination flooded him. Despite what others said, despite his own fear, he saw this was worth saving. The picture was perfect and brought up mixed emotions, but he was certain of one thing: he was happy and himself with Eddie. Letting himself be so close was like a reward, something he longed for but feared.

It was time to follow his heart more.

_I promise I’ll be better, Eddie._


	4. What About Us?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eddie's glad he could salvage their friendship. But now, it's time he tried sharing things they wouldn't say to each other... Richie's devising a plan for Valentine's Day, but when he hears Eddie might like someone, he's shaken. Will he go through with his plan?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, everyone!
> 
> Here's the new chapter! It's bittersweet. The two other chapters will be cute and sad... Then it'll go downhill from there.
> 
> I had fun with this one in particular. But it was also hard to write, because it comes from a personal place, too. And I bet the rest will be even harder, but rewarding in a sense. I love Reddie so much I can't help it, though!
> 
> In all cases, I hope you enjoy it.
> 
> Let's ride this story, shall we?!

_It’s working! IT’S WORKING!_

Eddie grinned at his best friend, lost in thought. Since the day they took pictures in the photo booth, a week ago, Richie had been more like himself. He would throw jokes at him more regularly and just be more natural. It seemed to Eddie that he was closer… just like when they were younger. And that filled Eddie with strong enthusiasm and relief. Nothing was better than to know their friendship was saved.

Speaking of closer, Eddie had an idea he wanted to try out, following his “just get closer” thought. He wanted to open up and share things he wouldn’t normally, but with Richie only… That would surely strengthen their bond, right? He was nervous, sure, because Richie was not the typical style to go behind emotions and his loud mouth. But heck, Eddie figured it was worth a try… He’d lost every other in the Loser Club, he was ready to do anything to keep Richie. Even talking about his own secrets…

“You sick?”

Eddie blinked and shook his head, coming back from his daze. He laughed and flicked his hand in Richie’s direction.

“Nah! Hope not,” he added, his eyes widening with a sudden fear.

_Okay, let’s dive in. Courage, Eddie._

“I just… You know, Valentine’s Day’s next week, and…”

Richie’s head snap up from his drawing, looking nervous and serious at the same time. Eddie noticed, but mentioned nothing about it. They both hadn’t been of interest to anyone, so that was probably what was bothering Richie. Eddie leaned against the sink, grateful that for once his mother was resting in her own bedroom during the day.

So he could tackle these topics alone with Richie.

“What I mean is, it’d be nice if I received a card or something…. No one thinks of us, you know?” Eddie said in a friendly, but sad voice, gesturing at his friend for agreement.

Richie bit his lower lip and nodded, his cheeks a bit pink. That was curious… But it made him… Cute, in a way. Eddie’s heart squeezed, but he pushed the thought away. That was silly! Guys didn’t think other guys cute, right?

“Yeah, it’d be cool. But with my ugly face, I get it… But you, you’re okay,” Richie replied with a shrug and a small smile.

He pushed his big glasses back on his nose and cleared his throat, as though ashamed or uncomfortable or something.

Eddie cocked his head, wondering. But then Alicia and her gorgeous auburn hair popped up in his mind.

“Well, you know, Alicia’s quite pretty and nice… We do get along! Maybe I should send her a card. What do you think?” Eddie asked, shrugging.

He hoped this girlfriend conversation would stir up Richie into sharing more with him. After all, friendship can’t work on lies or secrets.

* * *

So that was his plan: if Eddie wanted Valentine cards, he’d get one every. fucking. day of the week. In his locker. Well hidden so only he could see them.

Yes, that was perfect. Richie gulped, knowing that’d be a risky endeavour in not being seen, but he wanted to somehow convey his feelings, somehow live a bit of his love… and see Eddie be happy, be his love interest. Or at least, _someone’s_.

Richie smiled to himself, concealing the lower part of his face by tipping his chin down at his drawing. But his smile fell fast and hard when Eddie mentioned Alicia. His eyes widened and terror gripped his heart and squeezed it tight; he forgot to breathe for a few seconds.

_No, no, he can’t get a girlfriend! I… What will I do?!_

So, Richie put on a fake smile not to raise suspicions about his plan. Was it still worth it, though? Time to work up the laid-back, loud mouth Richie. Otherwise, he felt he’d drown in his pain. It was trying to rise to his level, dragging him down… Fear of what might happen made him tremble from within. Eddie getting a girlfriend would be a nightmare. How’d he keep seeing him kiss and love someone else?

His heart could explode at the thought and it wouldn’t hurt so much as this.

“Yeah, Alicia… She should see you. Send her a card, Don Juan,” Richie said with a laugh, coaxing his friend to do what Richie feared the most.

Alicia was a good girl, and she was cute, too. She always had good grades, was calm, and poised. Richie could see why Eddie thought of her… _Does he think of me, too?_ Alicia was just his type, nothing Richie could fight against, and _win_. His heart crumbled into tiny pieces of muscle in his chest, but still, maybe he should send those cards… It was better now than never. For once he’d be true to his feelings, and Eddie would receive them.

However, no matter how nice Alicia was, Bev was better. Richie still talked to her sometimes in classes and corridors, when they met. Even now, after they had disbanded the Loser Club. He’d always liked her; she was easygoing, extremely friendly and brave. He’d prefer if it were Bev… At least, she’d be his friend, too. Even though it would still hurt like hell.

“I totally should!” Eddie exclaimed with a grin and slapped the counter. Right afterwards, he cradled his hand to his chest and let out an “ow”.

Richie couldn’t help bursting out laughing. Eddie was silly sometimes. Whenever he got excited, that is.

“Be careful or you’ll cut yourself and catch… AIDS!”

Eddie glared at him, tilting his head, and Richie laughed harder.

“And you, is there someone?” Eddie probed.

That cut Richie’s laughter short, thank you. His face fell, and he stared at his best friend, who looked hopeful. Electricity shot up in his chest, he was torn between finding him so beautiful like this, hating himself for that thought, and lying. Lying, lying, lying… He always lied.

“Well, nah… I prefer to take it cool and let them come to me, y’know,” he lied (again), waggling his eyebrows.

Eddie laughed, so clearly and innocently. He seemed relieved somehow. Richie didn’t know of what, but oh well, if Eddie was happy… that was a good start.

Watching him laugh, Richie decided he’d send those cards, after all. Better have him anonymously and make his feelings known (even in secret), than not at all.

_Let all Hell break loose… This is so risky, I’m an idiot. A lovesick idiot. Eddie… I hope you fucking love the cards._

Upon this thought, Richie grabbed his drawing and went to show it off to Eddie. While Eddie observed the robot from one of his video games, Richie devised his plan in more details.

_Hearts… Hearts mean everything._

He’d have to leave Eddie’s house earlier, so he could prepare his cards. One for every day of the Valentine week. His best friend would be in for a surprise… one Richie hoped would leave a good, lasting impression. If he couldn’t be with Eddie, he’d make sure his friend was loved, in any way possible. No matter what he needed, Richie would be there.


	5. Heart-Shaped Hope

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> During Valentine's Day week, Eddie starts receiving heart-shaped cards in his locker. This touches his heart and he starts wondering who could be behind this. Overjoyed, he tells Richie about them. But will he keep looking for his secret Valentine or give in to his interest in Alicia?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! 
> 
> Things start to get more emotional and dramatic here... and it'll keep on getting so as we go along. Hope you're enjoying the ride, loves!
> 
> As always, leave kudos or a comment! I love interacting with you and you interacting with my stories.
> 
> \- MrsSarabiHolmes

**Monday**

Eddie arrived at his locker at the same time as usual: 8:15 AM. He wasn’t late, just early enough to grab his books, and make his way over to English. But this morning was different. He opened his locker door, and he gasped, his wide eyes fixed upon a heart lying at the bottom. A smile crept up on his lips and he bent over to grab the red carton card. It was beautifully cut.

Feeling observed, Eddie looked around. But then again, with hundreds of pairs of eyes, it was hard to tell who was staring. He grinned and observed the card, turning it over. His first name was on the front while the back had “Only you” in shiny black letters. Eddie’s heart squeezed with appreciation and happiness. Someone liked him! Someone noticed him!

_Shit, shit… I can’t breathe!_

Eddie grabbed his inhaler and pressed it twice. Nervousness and strong emotions had this effect on him. But he was overjoyed; how could he not?

_I wonder who…_

He looked around once more, this time searching for his secret Valentine. Finding no one, he shrugged and hugged the heart quickly with his back turned to passersby. Eddie put it in his binder and left for English with a grin.

_Today’s going to be a **great** day!_

Two hours later, Eddie rushed to Maths during the break, where he caught Richie by the arm and pulled him aside. Grinning proudly, he took out the card from his binder and almost slammed it into his friend’s face.

“LOOK! I got a Valentine!” He was so excited he could barely stand still; heck, he was shuffling his feet.

Richie’s cheeks turned pink, but he grinned, pushing the card away gently.

“Lucky you! Any idea who…?”

Eddie pressed his lips together and shook his head. “Nah, but it’s fun… I mean, I never thought someone liked me! So cool!”

Richie’s smile widened, and he nodded. His glasses slipped down his nose and he pushed them up again.

“Yup! ’Tis cool, Eddie.”

**Tuesday**

This day was no different. Except that Eddie had been expecting and _wishing_ for a new card. He practically ran to his locker and flung the door open, staring right at the bottom.

There it was! Another carton heart with his name on it. He chuckled and took it with a smile on his lips. Excitation ran through him, he felt like he could run laps - even with his asthma, which was a bit wild of a thought, but sweet. He flipped it over and saw “You’re cute” written on its back. Eddie felt warmth rising in his cheeks and he hid the card in his bag right away.

When he looked around in the hopes of finding his secret admirer, his eyes fell upon Alicia. He wasn’t expecting to see her at this moment, but he smiled and waved at her. It took her a few seconds, but she noticed him and waved back, grinning.

She was so cute, with her long auburn hair cascading down her shoulders, and the way she held her books close to her chest. Maybe _she_ was the one sending him those cards.

Yeah, he’d have to man up and talk to her about Valentine’s Day, a.k.a Friday.

**Wednesday**

Today was a bit different. No, quite a lot. Eddie came to his locker to find a new heart-shaped card at the bottom. Again, he grinned as he picked it up. He still wondered who gave it to him, but something else was on his mind, making him nervous.

He turned the card over, and it read “I see you, I care”.

This tugged at his heart and made him stop and think about how much it meant to him. This was huge; he never got that much attention. Except from his mother, of course. But… she was his _mother_.

_Who’s this?!_

Eddie nearly missed Alicia as she walked past him. He sighed and hid the card into his books, hailing her. She turned a puzzled look at him, before smiling and approaching.

He took a breath in his inhaler, then went all for it.

**Thursday**

Bouncing happily, Eddie kept grinning at Richie as he found him on the corner near his locker. Richie smirked and pushed his glasses up.

“Still receiving those cards?”

Eddie was momentarily lost-that wasn’t what he wanted to talk about. But he nodded, smiling as the fond memory filling him with fuzzy feelings. He pointed at his binder.

“Yeah, every day of the week! Wonder who that is, though,” Eddie says with a pout. “I’d love to know.”

Richie’s eyes widened and he blushed. “Seriously?”

“Yeah, I mean… Why wouldn’t I? If someone likes me, I mean, that’s a miracle.”

They stared at each other for a beat before a grin broke on Eddie’s face.

“Speaking of miracles, Alicia said yes!”

Richie blinked and shifted on his feet. “To what?”

Eddie grunted and slapped his forehead. “Sorry, didn’t tell ya! We’re going out!”

Eddie was bubbling with pride and joy. Alicia was sweet, cute, and perfectly the type he got along with. But seeing Richie’s face fall, his heart constricted, then pulled in all directions. It saddened him, really. Richie seemed so blank… so… _shocked_.

Guilt crept up in him as well as a bit of shame. He didn’t want to hurt Richie… And why was he reacting like this, anyway? This was good news, right? RIGHT?!

“Richie?”

Richie’s mouth opened then closed quickly. He pushed his glasses up his nose again, his face white as linen. He grimaced a smile and turned, heading to class even though it didn’t start before fifteen minutes.

“I, err, yeah, that’s good… Happy for you, Eddie,” Richie mumbled before rushing away.

Eddie stayed there, puzzled, watching his best friend walk away.

_What did I do?_

And still, he couldn’t shake off the pain assaulting him, sneaking its way into his heart. Something wasn’t right… but he couldn’t tell what.


	6. Here's My Heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Richie, heartbroken, gives his last card to Eddie on Valentine's Day. How will he react? Beverly, experiencing her own positive Valentine's Day, walks past them and notices Richie. She's got a good feeling of what's going on. Will she help them?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, folks!
> 
> Things are starting to be sadder from here, as you will read. But Bev comes into play! I think she's an awesome kickass girl, and figured she'd barge in and help. Don't you think? Expect to see future chapters with her as well. She's important in this Reddie story.
> 
> As always, please leave comments or kudos, they're greatly appreciated! They also incite me to write more and faster, haha.
> 
> Hope you enjoy!

**Friday**

Alicia was a nightmare come true. She wasn’t mean but just as Richie was getting vulnerable, she stole his Eddie!

He’d thought getting closer would somehow help. But he got burned pretty quickly! His innocent (if his thoughts of hugging and kissing Eddie were pure) joy short-lived and ending in quite the fall. Richie had been floating on clouds this week, carving these hearts lovingly with care for Eddie. He’d also made sure to arrive to school early to slip them in Eddie’s locket, unseen. Was it worth it, though?

_I’m such an idiot… Why **her** , Eddie?!_

  
Richie was standing on the corner to Eddie’s locker, which was a few feet across. He was watching him closely despite the herd of students passing by, his heart both beating fast and squeezing with pain. Noises and voices sounded so far away to his ears, like he was from across the street. They weren’t important… But Eddie was. He’d had so much hope… Of severing the distance between them, of perhaps living a bit of his love even though anonymously, of getting closer to Eddie for as long as he could. To be happy, y’know.

But Alicia had to come around and ruin it all. Eddie was infatuated and enjoyed her attention. Heck, he even thought those cards were from her! As if! No, no, Richie _loved_ him. More than she ever could… They were Richie and Eddie.

Inseparable.

Which hurt even more inside. Inseparable maybe, but never boyfriends… never in love out in the open. Richie gulped and tightened his grip on the cold plaster of the corner. He pushed his glasses up so as not to miss a single moment of Eddie’s surprise.

Ah, there Eddie came, all cute with his heavy backpack. He looked sideways, then a grin broke on his face, pulling his locker door open. He seemed so excited and hopeful… Unfortunately for him, he probably thought of the wrong person sending these heart-shaped cards. It had been fun while it lasted, but now it shook Richie to the core, destroying what was left of his self-esteem and making him hate everything, a searing pain in his heart.

Richie wondered how Eddie would be affected by this last card...

* * *

Beverly turned her gaze to the lockers aligned on the beige wall, gripping the straps of her brown backpack tightly. A smile hanged on her lips and her eyes shone with joy. Ben had just given her a Valentine’s card, inviting her to a date. He was just so sweet and she’d grown quite fond of the guy. And Billy never made any move, anyway…

She shook her head at this bad thought, and took a look around the students, loud chattering reaching her ears. Bev then noticed Eddie standing before his locker among them, even though no one paid him any attention whatsoever. He seemed stupefied, with his mouth hanging open. Bev blinked and looked at what he held in his hands, shaking slightly. A broken heart-shaped card!

_Who’d do this on Valentine’s Day? That’s mean._

Frowning, she nearly stopped to comfort Eddie. But at the last second, she remembered how their bond had been severed with the gang disbanding. It was sad really… It was just her and Ben, now. Sometimes she spoke to Richie, too. She was stuck all alone now, just like before, all alone with her… dad.

She shuddered and lifted her gaze towards the corner. Instantly she recognized those big glasses, watching closely behind her as though there was something of big importance going on. Something _sad_ and _scary_ according to his huge eyes. Bev opened hers wide and glanced over her shoulder, trailing her gaze to Richie’s through the crowd.

Eddie was pressing on his inhaler and breathing in the fresh medication like it was his lifeline. He still held the heart-shaped card in his shaking hands.

_Oh, Eddie…_

Realization hit her like a slap to her forehead. Questions danced around in her mind, as confusion and concern tugged at her heart. So Richie sent it… Something must be really wrong, because those two were inseparable. But a heart?

_OH! A heart!_

Bev gasped. So that’s why! This explained _a lot_ of things from the past… and this card. She’d heard Alicia was dating Eddie. So Richie was-

_heartbroken._

She cut the corner quite fast and stopped right in front of Richie. He jumped backwards, letting out a small surprised sound, and she grinned. Bev waved at him, pepping herself up so to better communicate. She hid her worry behind her smile; like she dealt with most of life’s issues, really. Always face life with a smile. But always, always face it.

“Hi, Richie!”

“H-hi…” he replied, pushing his glasses up his nose.

“If you need anything, you know I’m here, right?” Bev said, looking at him closely.

Richie nodded twice, then stared at his feet. So unlike him. He really was uneasy, otherwise he’d have told her a wisecrack reply. These two… She’d say “who’d have thought?”, but thinking back on it, it wasn’t surprising at all. Different, but not surprising.

“I… I need to go. S-sorry, Bev,” Richie said after one last look at Eddie, his lips quivering.

Just as he whirled around, Bev saw his eyes welling up. Then, his backpack was bouncing on his back as he ran away. Ran away from her, ran away from Eddie… and his love.

Beverly shook his head and tightened her grip on her own backpack again until her hands hurt. Everyone deserved a chance with whom they loved! If it was Eddie, so be it. She wouldn’t let Richie down. Except for Ben, he was the only one she could still call a friend.

Nodding with determination, Beverly made her way to her next class.

She had to help them. Somehow. Because she envisioned this would be a difficult situation for two boys in love. She suspected Eddie did to, in retrospect… he was just oblivious of his own feelings. But she thought it was clear enough.

Richie and Eddie had been there when she had no one… and she still loved them dearly. Nostalgia and loneliness wormed their way to her heart, and she sighed, still hoping to go back to their gang. The gang, yes! She’d take the lead and do something about this.

_Time to talk to the gang again._


	7. When We Broke

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Richie's hanging out with Eddie, who keeps talking about the heart-shaped cards he received and Alicia. Richie can't take it anymore and makes a move on Eddie. But things turn sour quickly...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, loves!
> 
> So this is THE chapter I've been telling you about. Things go south for Reddie here, after a cute moment. I hope you enjoy it as much as I enjoyed (and cried) writing it!
> 
> See you next chapter for more sadness, angst, and Reddie!
> 
> \- MrsSarabiHolmes

**Saturday**

Richie was walking next to Eddie, his gaze to the pavement and hands in his jeans pockets. He felt like shit, an intense turmoil and sorrow churning in his chest. Richie’d agreed to hanging out with Eddie so there wouldn't be any suspicion if he refused since the broken heart… and also, because could he really refuse anything to Eddie? He just wished Eddie would shut up about Alicia. In a flash, Bev's smiling face popped in his mind and he pressed his lips together; shame and gratefulness fought for the main spot. He pushed Bev away from his thoughts, but something lingered… some kind of happiness she still cared enough about him to say she'd be there if he needed anything. He was vaguely aware this gave him a bit of confidence, or at least a bit of strength to bear the situation.

"So, I called her and asked 'Was it you, the broken heart?' And she was like: 'No, no, Eddie! I wouldn't. We're together, you know?'" Eddie told him, gesturing the whole scenario. "It's so weird."

Richie bit his lower lip and tripped on a crack in the pavement. Eddie gasped and managed to grab him in time. Richie's breath hitched at feeling Eddie's hand on his chest, supporting him, and his cute eyes staring straight at him with concern. How could he not love that guy?

"Are you all right?"

"Yeah, yeah… I'm fine. Just like your mom says."

Richie readjusted his glasses on his nose and kept walking. He caught a glimpse of Eddie smiling at his joke, and congratulated himself on not losing face. Richie looked up at the stores they were passing by; an electronics store here, a thrift store there. He wondered if one day he'd be free to be in love, unafraid… He shook his head and decided that no, probably not. Derry was awful, his fear was too freezing, and Eddie too blind…

At least he'd stopped talking about that damned Alicia.

"She's so sweet, you know, so I believe her," Eddie said, smiling.

Or maybe not.

Richie rolled his eyes and took a look around, barely listening anymore. He was sweet too, wasn't he? After all, they were best friends… and he'd sent those cards. Talk about sweet! His gaze moved from a family moving down across the street to a gang standing farther away from Richie and Eddie. Instinctively, he pressed his lips together and his stomach twisted, before he remembered it couldn't be Bowers: that bastard had been arrested for his own father's murder. Luckily for Richie. So the knot in his stomach loosened, and he sighed; they were probably just guys hanging around, minding their own business. That's when his ear caught Eddie's next painful words.

"I don't know who sent me those hearts! It was nice, but man, it nearly made me break up with Alicia."

Nearly break up with Alicia? So he cared about her, more than about the hearts! Richie clenched his fists and stared pointedly at his running shoes. Thus, Eddie cared less about him… Richie was losing him! Eddie was drifting to a girlfriend, to a life where Richie would be second best! Always. No, no, he mustn't lose him, he couldn't be losing him!

"Do you know who it is, for the hearts, Rich?" Eddie asked, turning his wide gaze to Richie.

His breath hitched in his throat and he stopped walking in the middle of the pavement, a few feet away from the gang of young men. Anger and sadness tore him from within. Eddie stopped and turned around, a puzzled look on his face. Richie exhaled loudly and dug his nails into his palms. Enough was enough. He… he couldn't live without Eddie!

Richie threw himself on Eddie, grabbing his cheeks. In less than a second, his lips were on his best friend's, kissing him with all the intensity he could muster, all the desperation he ached with. Eddie stayed frozen on the spot, eyes open, while Richie both revelled in the warmth and softness of Eddie's lips, a fantasy achieved, and collapsed under the huge wave of shame assaulting him. When he broke the kiss, Richie, panting, gazed directly into Eddie's wide, innocent eyes. As the realization of what he'd done dawned on him, Richie gulped and started to run away. Far away from who he truly was, from his dear Eddie who certainly hated him now.

* * *

Eddie watched as Richie ran away, bringing a finger to his lips. They were tingling, the ghost pressure of Richie’s lips on his. He was in a daze, as though floating above himself. Slowly, his eyes opened wide, and something changed in his gaze.

_Oh, Richie! It was **you**!_

Eddie rushed after his secret admirer, reaching out with his arm as though to stop him. He wanted to freeze this moment, only the two of them together, stop Richie from running away. He wanted to know so many things. For how long? How so?

_Why **me**?_

“Richie, I—“ 

“HEY, fucking faggot!”

A young man pushed Eddie backwards and reached Richie before him. Soon, his gang followed, mocking his best friend as the leader grabbed Richie by the arm, preventing him from escaping. Eddie’s heart beat fast in his chest, so much he tensed and clenched his jaw. Whatever was going to happen wouldn’t be pretty.

“No! Stop! He-he didn’t mean to—“

“Fuck off!” the leader shouted at him, then turned his disgusted glare to Richie. “So you like dicks, huh? Pervert!”

Eddie wished he’d never see that, but the leader clenched his fist and punched Richie hard on the nose. He heard it break from a few feet away. _Crunch!_ The noise sickened him, but still he ran to him. Derry was a rathole for different people. Eddie knew it all too well, but so did Richie… Eddie’s stomach clenched at the gang threw kicks and punches at Richie, who held his nose vainly. Blood coated his hands as he cried out.

“STOP IT! LEAVE HIM! PLEASE!” Eddie yelled.

His chest threatened to burst, his breathing becoming shorter and shorter. He fumbled in his shorts pocket, and dropped the inhaler. Cursing, he knelt and grabbed it, pressing the trigger once it was in his mouth. He felt his airways open, but the stress was too great and they were closing again.

The gang laughed cruelly as Richie cried and whimpered, rolling on himself. Eddie’s eyes filled with tears, and he sprinted to them. Pushing one of the guys away, he reached out to Richie. The other couldn’t see him, what with his arms over his head as a poor shield. Eddie’s heart lurched as he saw the awful bruises, cuts and blood.

“No…. No… Richie, I’m here. Hey, Rich?”

The leader laughed, pointing at Eddie. Then, he mimicked them kissing with his forefingers and his friends all burst out laughing… Eddie scowled at them, hoping all his hatred was conveyed in a single look. The guy spat on Eddie’s face, then flicked a finger at him.

“Come on, guys, let’s leave those two _lovebirds_ to their disgusting business… Fairies.”

He grinned at Eddie, then motioned for his gang to follow him. As they walked away, Eddie shuddered. He’d spat on him! How many microbes were there?! Quickly, he wiped his cheek with his arm. It’d have to do for now. But still, he could catch the influenza, AIDs, or... anything nasty!

“E-Eddie…”

Eddie’s eyes widened and he snapped his head to his best friend. Richie was lying on the ground, miserable and viciously harmed. Eddie gulped at the sight, tears running down his face. Richie’s was streaked with tears and dirty.

But Eddie still felt his heart expand. His best friend had been sweet with him… more caring than anybody else. And no matter what happened, they were still together. Just the two of them.

And Alicia.

_Sorry, Rich… I didn’t know._

Guilt tightened his heart, but he pushed it away. Now there was something more important to deal with. Like how Richie was badly hurt. And Eddie feared that the wounds ran deeper emotionally… Would Richie do just like Eddie feared and stop being his friend? Would he hate himself?

“Richie, I’m here… It’s… Come here.”

Eddie tentatively put his arms around Richie’s trembling shoulders, then pulled him up, gently, softly. As though Richie were made of porcelain Eddie’s mother would shout at him for breaking.

Richie avoided his gaze at all costs. But Eddie could see how his eyes lowered to the ground in shame behind his broken, askew glasses, and his mouth was pouting, quivering… He didn’t know exactly what to say or do — what did you even do when your best friend is gay and in love with you?! —, but he was certain he had to help him. His heart beat fast in his chest still, but it wasn’t only out of fear... He liked the proximity, how Richie had taken the time to craft those hearts, how good that kiss had felt. He was just glad to have Richie.

And maybe something else, too. Whatever that was.

“Let’s get you home, buddy. You’re with me, Rich?” Eddie asked, as Richie wobbled on his feet.

Richie never answered him, staring straight ahead.


	8. Don't Leave Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Richie, beaten up and ashamed, goes through dark thoughts and fears. Eddie, worried, is taking his friend home, thinking about everything that just happened. Will Eddie stay for his friend? What about the pleasure he felt being kissed by Richie? 
> 
> Things are getting really complicated. Will it divide them?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone!
> 
> So, this is an emotional and feelsy chapter with them thinking about everything Richie's kiss means. And if you'll notice, the pairing's starting ;)... I hope you'll enjoy it! I had lots of fun writing this one. As for the next chapter, we'll see Bev return! And things will get harder for Reddie before it gets sweet, of course.
> 
> Enjoy, loves!
> 
> \- MrsSarabiHolmes

Richie stared straight ahead, stubborn. There was no way he’d look at Eddie after this. No way! His friend surely hated him now… Who’d like to be loved by their best friend and kissed by another guy? Surely not his Eddie. No, not his… Eddie wasn’t his boyfriend and never would be. He’d probably take him home, then avoid him at all costs. Because wasn’t that what people did with fags? When they didn’t beat them up, that is.

His jaw hurt, his nose bled and hurt like Hell—everywhere ached to be honest. But nothing as much as his heart, which kept squeezing tighter and tighter with each second, each cruel thought. His shame ate away at him, gnawing every bit of pleasure he’d had kissing Eddie. He was limping, his glasses broken, and grateful for Eddie’s support. Richie had his arm slung around his neck, and Eddie’s arm around his chest. It’d have been nice… if only he wasn’t gay. Ashamed. Ridiculous.

  
_Disgusting._

Thoughts and memories of the gang beating him up just made him silent despite Eddie’s worried glances he caught from the corner of his eyes. At some point, Richie turned his head away from Eddie, his heart sliced in two, beating hard in pain. A blonde woman came out of the candy shop, quickly followed by a small kid holding a…

_Red balloon!_

Richie’s eyes went wide with shock, and his body started trembling. Pure terror gripped him, twisting his insides, as the boy laughed cheerfully, holding the balloon’s tail. His fears were already true, with him being punished for loving his best friend… But now, something else joined in. _Horror_. He was nauseous and wondered if the world kept hitting him for fun. Because he sure felt like it. All this was a nightmare! Just like Pennywise had been. He remembered that ugly clown too well… The one who nearly took Eddie’s life. His friends’ lives and his. His entire body shook, his fear of the clown mixing with his sad, pitiful reality. His gigantic failure. He was never enough.

He wasn’t good. And he sure wasn’t worth loving.

Most of all by Eddie.

* * *

Eddie kept glancing at his friend as he held him. Worried he might faint or something. But mostly, the sadness and hardness on Richie’s face pained him—it raised his stress level to the point where he wondered if he’d use his inhaler soon.

_I have to talk! Say something…_

But he stayed silent, not really knowing how to go about this. How did you talk when your best friend just kissed you and got beaten for it? _Badly_ , too. Just for loving you… Eddie gulped and shuddered. Some people were just awful, but Richie wasn’t one of them. He’d carved out the heart-shaped cards, he’d looked over Eddie for all these years, he shared jokes with him, and he was just the best guy Eddie had ever known. So they could go fuck themselves. It was even rather flattering Richie had feelings for him… It made Eddie feel fuzzy inside, like a soda fizzing open. He smiled softly at this thought and the genuine warmth in his chest.

Yeah, Richie was great.

Richie suddenly shook under his arm. Eddie’s head snapped to him, his brow furrowed. He held him closed to his body, if that was even possible. He could feel his friend’s wild heart through his shirt. That felt… good? And worrisome.

Eddie followed his gaze and found the boy with the red balloon. His eyes widened and he gasped. The clown, Pennywise! He wasn’t back, was he? No, no, they’d defeated him… for now. No, it was just a boy, right? Never mind. Eddie slowed down and took out his inhaler. One inhalation. Good. Then he slipped it back in his pocket, smiling apologetically at Richie. But Richie still wasn’t looking at him.

The young hypochondriac leaned to his friend and whispered against his cheek.

“Don’t worry… We beat him. It’s just an ordinary balloon, Rich.”

Richie’s terrified gaze turned to him for a few seconds. Eddie was taken aback, not expecting him to exchange a look with him after all. But he came back from his surprise and smiled kindly at him, tightening his grip on Richie’s waist.

He saw Richie’s Adam’s apple bob up and down before he snapped his head straight forward, avoiding him yet again. Eddie sighed inwardly, disappointment tasting bitter. He couldn’t let Richie be like that… He had to reach out, to connect with him.

After all, it was okay if Richie loved him. Heck, it was even great! Sure, it complicated things, like friendship and his relationship with Alicia, but… Still, it touched him. To know he mattered this much to Richie. To his best friend. Plus, kissing Eddie had been an act of courage… and probably desperation, too. It was admirable and… Eddie blushed at the memory of the kiss, his cheeks flaring. He took a deep breath and cleared his throat.

“You know, I don’t mind—“

“No! Just don’t. I won’t talk, Eddie. I don’t want to.”

Eddie pressed his lips firmly, staring helplessly at Richie. His heart fell in his chest, as he was left at a loss with what to do. Clearly, Richie was distancing himself… Again. But not because he was hiding his feelings now (that’s what he’d been doing, wasn’t it?), because he…

  
What? Hated them? Felt ashamed?

Eddie didn’t know and it killed him. He wanted to be there for Richie, to prove him it wasn’t wrong. It wasn’t such a big deal! Yes, they’d have to find a way for their friendship to work and so on… but his _feelings_ weren’t bad. Eddie observed him, all broken, blood dripping down his face and chin, and he thought, for a fleeting moment, that Richie was cute. Perfect in his own, funny way.

“All right…”

Eddie kept his mouth shut all the way to Richie’s house. Sometimes they slowed down when Richie groaned in pain; they’d wait and Eddie would hold him better or tighter. And once, just once, they exchanged a heavy look, Richie’s eyes gleaming with… Eddie thought it was desire, but sadness quickly replaced it. That was baffling. Then, they both looked away, Eddie’s body feeling warm, as though he wanted to just stop and shake Richie, to shout how he didn’t mind! That he was still his best friend! That he could love whoever he wanted!

That it was, after all, all right. He’d always loved their proximity… and even though now it bore a new meaning, it didn’t change the fact that Eddie loved him a lot, too. Just, perhaps, not in the same way. He’d always thought homophobes were idiots. Love is love, and if you’re happy, then let’s make it so… But Richie wasn’t happy, that Eddie could see.

Was it so bad loving him?

Or was Richie simply against his own feelings? Against himself?

Eddie sighed, then pointed at Richie’s house a few feet away. They’d spent a good while walking at a slow pace, and seeing the house was a relief.

“Look, Rich!”

Richie lifted his gaze and stared at his house, unemotional. Or perhaps he just didn’t show his turmoil (because he was in turmoil inside, right?). Eddie frowned, defeated. No matter, he’d be there for him. Always.

Arrived at the entryway, Eddie helped Richie up the steps as best as he could, sometimes nearly losing his grip on him. Then, he knocked at the door for his friend.

“Call me, okay?” Eddie asked, worry lacing his voice.

Richie shook his head, and Eddie’s heart nearly gave out.

“No? But, Rich…”

_TALK TO ME! I’M HERE FOR YOU!_

But he didn’t say it. Instead, Eddie bit his lower lip and gazed at the upper step. After a while, the door opened. Despite his injuries, Richie slipped in quickly and slammed the door closed.

Eddie gasped and pushed at it. He could hear the lock turning. _No, no he’s not leaving me!_

After much banging on the door, Eddie gave up, his arms hanging sadly at his sides. Richie might have distanced himself now, but… Eddie would make sure he knew he was there for him. Whatever happened.

Whatever the cost.

He’d save Richie from himself.

And maybe in the process, they could work out these feelings…

Eddie swallowed with difficulty and headed down the stairs to his home. There was a hollowness gaping in his chest. He hoped this wasn’t the end of their duo.

He hoped… He hoped…

The feeling of Richie’s lips on his burned them now just as the memory came up. His face red out of shyness and surprised at his own thought, Eddie clenched his fist and sped up his walk. Warmth spread around the hollowness in his chest.

Tomorrow was another day. He’d try to talk to Richie and they’d explain each other. And maybe he’d even share how good that first kiss had been…

Because oh, boy with boy or not, it’d been delicious. He’d admit that. At least to himself.

_I hope… I hope we can keep hanging out, Richie. That I can keep you._

He shook his head, then realized his mom would probably shout at him for being so dirty and risking his own health. His own health… That’d fallen a bit at the back of his mind for Richie was all that mattered during the beating and their walk home.

_Now, how do I explain all the blood on my clothes?_


	9. Together Or Not At All

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eddie reaches out to Richie in class, under Beverly's curious gaze. But nothing goes as planned and Eddie is demoralized. 
> 
> Beverly observes the pitiful scene between the pair play out. This is not normal! She wants to help, and reaches out to Richie. She won't let Richie and Eddie's relationship fall out like their gang did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! I want to apologize for taking time off Reddie, but major health issues as well as deaths in my family didn't fit well with this sweet but sad/angsty fanfic. 
> 
> However, I am back! 
> 
> Expect chapters regularly now. :) I really hope you enjoy this new chapter. 
> 
> As always, please leave a comment and kudos, I thrive on them.
> 
> \- MrsSarabiHolmes

Eddie glimpsed Richie, sitting at his desk in the middle of the classroom. He looked defeated, like a ball of shame and anger rolled up into a human being, as he stared at his desk pointedly. The wounds to his face were obvious, and the bandage over his nose made Eddie’s heart fall. Richie didn’t deserve this. Not for loving him. Worried, Eddie had tried to get a hold of him through the phone, but Richie never came to talk to him… Seeing him, Eddie’s chest tightened and he pursed his lips in worry, promising he’d reach out today, and succeed! He had to so Richie would know someone was there for him, that Eddie, his best friend, was still here. The memory of the kiss came unbidden, and he blushed softly, looking away.  
  
“Hi, Eddie! Ready for class?”  
  
Eddie looked up, shocked to see Alicia grinning before him. He hadn’t expected her nor thought of her much since he and Richie got assaulted. Why would he? She was a delightful girl and all, but this issue was more personal… Something that required all of his attention and privacy.  


“Err, yeah, sure. You look cute today,” he told her.   
  
Because it was true. Alicia was a sweet, pretty girl, always bubbly with optimism and friendliness. That’s something he liked a lot about her. Yet somehow, this felt wrong… Like something in him pushed him away from this relationship. Maybe… maybe she wasn’t for him. Maybe he wasn’t right for her, too. Or maybe… it was something else entirely, something to do with Richie. But he couldn’t blame his best friend for it! The butterfly feeling expanded in him again as he remembered Richie plucking up the courage and desperation to kiss him, and the feeling of his best friend’s body so close to him, so warm… so _right_.  
  
“Aw, _you_ ’re the cute one!” she exclaimed, her face softening in a tender expression.  
  
As he blushed, Alicia leaned closer, closing her eyes and puckering her lips for a sweet kiss. Eddie’s eyes flung open wide and his heart beat like a disco ball in his chest. He was trapped! He glanced at Richie, who was now staring straight at him, his expression unreadable. Then Eddie’s lip twitched and stepped back into the classroom.   


“I… err… Sorry. See you later, Alicia, ok?” he mumbled.  
  
Alicia opened her eyes, pain shining in them, her brow furrowed in confusion. Her face fell, and she nodded, her gaze to her books in her arms. Then she stormed away.  
  
_Damn, not her too!_  
  
Both people he preferred were now hurt. Because of him. That didn’t bode well. Eddie reached for his inhaler, then put it in his mouth and pressed on the trigger. The fresh, pure air was like a relief. Momentary, but a relief nonetheless. He then put it back in his pocket and walked decidedly to Richie’s desk. 

As he stood right beside his best friend, Eddie gazed down at him. But Richie was back to staring at his desk like it was his only solace or something like that. Eddie gently touched him on the shoulder with a soft pressure, yet Richie startled and recoiled like Eddie was poison. Eddie retreated his hand as though he received an electric shock.  
  
“Whoa, Richie, it’s just me,” Eddie said in a gentle voice, full of compassion.  
  
That’s when he noticed Beverly already seated a few desks back behind him. She was watching them with eyes wide open. Did she find it funny? Was she enjoying the show? He couldn’t tell. But she wasn’t what was important to him right now. She had once been a friend, but not anymore… They’d just distanced each other after… after…  
  
_Better not think about it, Eddie._  
  
“Leave me.”  
  
Eddie’s head snapped back towards the weak, pathetic sound mumbled by his best friend. His heart fell so down he could swear he was buried alive. Oh no, he wasn’t going to leave! He’d stick to Richie like glue, although that wouldn’t be hygienic. Still, he couldn’t believe Richie demanded this of him, trying to distance himself… as though he didn’t matter. As though their relationship was a problem.  
  
“Never!”  
  
A loud clearing of the throat sounded in the room.   
  
“Edward? Sit, we’re all waiting after you,” their teacher scolded him, eyebrows raised.  
  
And indeed they were. All the other students were staring at them. He could feel himself shake lightly. Eddie pursed his lips and glanced at Richie, who just somehow lowered his head closer to his desk. Eddie mumbled a “Sorry” and walked with his hands clenched to the desk right in front of Beverly, across from Richie’s side. Laughter and murmurs fused, but the teacher quickly silenced them.  
  
Eddie took a seat and fixed his gaze upon Richie, who made it important to only look at his pencils and books. His heart hammered in his chest and he exhaled loudly—his breathing came out slightly ragged. How could he show Richie it wasn’t such a big deal? He was still here for him.   
  
He wanted to reach out and grab Richie from the darkness he seemed to dwell in these past days. He wanted to be friends again.  
  
_Don’t leave me!_  
  
He wanted Richie close to him. That’s how he felt happy, safe, reassured… He shook his head, images of Alicia popping up in his mind. Something was nagging at him… something deep. Unbidden, but important. Alicia was nice, but she wasn’t  
  
_Richie._  
  
Bunching his lips in determination, Eddie reached into his backpack and took out a pencil and a sheet of paper. Desperate situations called for desperate measures.   
  
He’d do anything for Richie. He’d work past his fears and block him from any threat. Hell, he’d even jump in front of a bully (or _It_ , if ever it came back, for God's sake!) and take the blow, if need be.   
  
But that wasn’t something you said to your best friend, right?  
  
Eddie wasn’t sure. It felt wrong and out of place. But true in all the fiber of his being. So, he grabbed the pencil and stuck out his tongue in concentration.  
  
He had to play it right. He was always there for Richie…  
  
And he needed to finally _see_ it.  
  
  


* * *

  
  
_They’re really in love, oh my God!_  
  
Beverly stared (she couldn’t help it) as Eddie tried to talk to Richie and got rejected. This wasn’t happening, right? This was so _wrong_. Everyone knew they came as a pair! Panic rose in her, tingling the hairs on her arms and neck like when her dad tried to touch her. But this was different… yet alarming.   
  
Her eyes fell upon Eddie as he leaned closer to Richie’s side, holding a piece of paper crumpled in his hand. She followed the paper’s flight from Eddie’s hand to Richie’s desk. Then, as quickly as possible, Eddie sat back straight in his chair. She could see him glancing at Richie in anticipation. What was written on that piece of paper? Something like “I love you too”? Probably not… Derry wasn’t much welcoming of gays. But Eddie seemed intent on staying close to Richie… who tried to push him away. Shame? Fear? He was pretty beat up… She had to keep a close eye on them. Maybe she could help. Heck, she wanted to, but she couldn’t just walk up to them and ask what the problem was, right?   
  
She scooted straighter in her chair, too, and stopped listening to the teacher. Richie pushed dejectedly the piece of paper on the floor. She even heard a low growl. She quickly looked to Eddie, whose face fell in a heartbeat. Eddie stared at his hands like a lost puppy, then took out his inhaler and pressed the trigger. Bev’s own heart constricted at the poor sight. He was so hopeful, reaching out… Bev bit her lower lip and tried to look away from the two miserable souls before her. Friends or in love, she didn’t care. But she ached seeing them so far apart. Eddie didn’t go without Richie… nor did Richie without Eddie.   
  
_Reddie._  
  
She loved to call them “Reddie” secretly. Because they were always _ready_ together, up for anything fun as long as it involved the other.  
  
Bev sighed and wished them back together. But she had a powerful urge to act like a fairy godmother. She might not be as pretty or powerful as one, but damn would she try!  
  
At the end of the class, she stood up and put away her stuff, her gaze on Eddie and Richie more often than not. As they headed out, Bev bent and picked up the ball of paper. Her heart beating like loud, popular music, she unfolded it and read in her mind:   
  
  
_“Together forever, Rich. No matter what.”_  
  
A wave of warmth and affection crashed over her. They were always this cute. And this was proof. Proof of what she thought was true. Definitely, she would have to be their fairy godmother. She smiled lop-sidedly. She knew Ben was onboard -wasn’t he a dear?!-, but she clearly had to gather the old gang to help these two out. Ex-friends or not, they still meant much to her.  
  
Bev took a deep breath and slid the paper in her jeans back pocket. Then she turned and walked determinedly towards the door. As Richie crossed the threshold, Eddie called out to him, waving.  
  
“Rich, I—-“  
  
“No.”  
  
  
Richie’s answer was cold but direct. He didn’t even look at Eddie! Instead, he just rushed off. Eddie’s arm fell to his side, and she saw his lips quiver. Bev tried her best to walk past him without contact (she didn’t want to bother him!), but her shoulder brushed his. Eddie turned his gleaming gaze to hers, and she gulped, saying how sorry she was. Eddie looked at the floor and went in the opposite direction from Richie.  
  
  
But Bev ran after Richie, her steps hitting the tiled floor loudly. She didn’t care. She had a friendship to save. She could see Richie’s backpack banging on his back. She reached out and grabbed his wrist. Richie gasped and turned around, his eyes wide and full of unshed tears. Bev swallowed with difficulty, her own heart squeezing at the sight.   
  
_Let them be happy!_  
  
Bev smiled softly at him and lifted a hand to caress his wounded cheek. He sucked in a breath, but stayed there as her hand stroked his skin. A tear rolled down his face as he watched her.

  
“You’re not alone,” she told him in an assured tone.  
  
  
Then, as though she had never run after him, Bev shoved the piece of paper in Richie’s hand and walked away briskly.   
  
  
_I’ll make sure you’re never alone, both of you._  
  
  



	10. Our Own Fairytale

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eddie tries to reach Richie, but his friend never picks up the phone. Alicia then comes for their date he had forgotten about, and Eddie acts weird with her. Is she onto something? But more importantly, Eddie thinks, is she right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone!
> 
> I'm sorry it took so long for a new chapter, but I've had deaths in my family. However, I'm back! So expect the chapters more regularly. :)
> 
> Do leave a comment, a kudos, or subscribe! Anyhow you decide to support this fanfic, I'm so glad for your love!
> 
> Thank you. And now, let's delve into Eddie's surprising perspective. ^.^
> 
> Enjoy!

Eddie sighed, annoyed, as the doorbell rang. He closed his eyes a second, then started walking carefully down the stairs. He’d called Richie not once, but twice, and his friend hadn’t picked up the phone. Even though Richie’s mother—a sweet soul— had informed him it was Eddie. She’d apologized and told him she was worried for Richie never came out of his bedroom after… what happened. Eddie’d bitten his nails to the base of the fingertip, realizing Richie hadn’t told the whole story. And that he was much more in danger than Eddie had first figured… He’d thanked her politely—just like his mom had taught him—and sworn to call him again later. He’d get a hold of his friend, whatever the cost! He wasn’t going to lose him, and whatever comforting feelings he had in his presence, because of idiots and homophobes! A fairy? Maybe, but he was _his_ best friend first and foremost.

“I think your girlfriend’s at the door,” his mother’s voice carried from the kitchen.

Eddie stepped down onto the floor and nodded at her. “Thanks, Ma.”

He turned swiftly and tried his best not to stomp his way to it. His hands were wet and his heartbeat was rapid. It wasn’t poor Alicia’s fault, but his—he’d forgotten they were meeting today what with his worrying over Richie.

“Hi, Alicia,” he said with a smile.

He’d flung the door open so quickly she startled and took a step back, her beautiful eyes wide and her long brown hair swaying.

“Erm, hi, Eddie! Ready?” she asked, grinning as she sported a duffel bag with her swimsuit and a towel that peeked out, the zipper being a bit open.

_This is it. This is the crucial moment._

Eddie’s heart slammed against his ribcage and his breathing became ragged. Now or never. Richie or Alicia. Eddie breathed deeply, then the words rushed out of his mouth.

“No, I won’t go. I’ve got something else.”

“What? Not _someone_ else I hope?” she inquired, her cute, puffy cheeks reddening, a small frown appearing on her face.

Eddie blinked. “No, no, of course not.”

And as he uttered those words, Eddie’s guts twisted and tightened with confusing guilt. It _was_ for someone else, but not the way she thought it was… but what did this doubt mean, then? And those butterflies he had with Richie and not Alicia? Eddie shut down all thoughts about what this might mean, stepped on his own doubt, and grimaced an uncertain smile.

Alicia furrowed her brow to the max this time and wagged her finger before his face. “I’m not so sure. Don’t cheat on me, Eddie!”

Eddie shook his head vehemently, both appalled by the thought and his own doubts. Maybe that explained it… maybe she was right? He did love Richie’s company, both always together, bickering and teasing, and his proximity… Eddie gulped.

_Damn, she’s right!_

His eyes widened and his lips thinned. “No, Alicia. And I won’t go.”

“But Eddie! We were going to the pool!”

“Yeah, well, sorry, Alicia.”

Eddie slammed the door in her face and spun on his heel. He heard Alicia knock on the door harder.

“EDDIE!” she shouted. Damn, she had a shrill voice when she wanted to!

But he didn’t reply. He _had_ to get a hold of Richie!

It was a matter of life or death. And he was just like a video game character, a heroic one, coming to save… well, the prince?

“Oh, Eddie…” Alicia whined softly against the door.

His heart constricted at her obvious pain—he didn’t mean to hurt her, but things were really, really bad—, and he almost turned around. _Almost_. Instead, he kept on walking determinedly to the phone. He heard her soft steps walk away… and he was relieved. His shoulders loosened slightly as he stretched to pick up the phone.

“Something wrong, Eddie?”

“Nothing, Ma,” he said, a lump in his throat. _Everything_ was wrong.

Except that thanks to Alicia, Eddie knew one thing: the reason why Richie meant so much to him was because he was his first love disguised as his best friend.

And he was okay with that. But how to get it across to Richie? His friend—his love?— kept himself at a distance, untouchable… Eddie dialled Richie’s number fiercely, not minding each hard touch. One ring, two rings, three rings… No one picked up.

“Damn,” he whispered, closing his eyes.

“Language, dear!”

“Sorry, Ma!” he shouted back. “I’m going.”

Eddie rushed to grab his fall coat off the hanger, and ran to the door.

“Where’s my kiss?”

Eddie sighed, his shoulders slumping. He rolled his eyes at his mother for once in his life—fortunately, he had his back turned to her. He mumbled an apology, then retraced his steps, entered the kitchen and dropped a quick kiss on her flabby cheek.

His mother smiled kindly at him and he instantly felt bad for acting so mean earlier. Guilt tried to grip his heart again, but he brushed it away. Nevertheless, he had a prince to save, a best friend to rescue, and a love to disclose.

_If he did it, I can, too._

And out the flimsy door he went. Richie needed him, so he’d be there. Forever and always. That was what best friends were for, right? Best friends who kissed each other… and liked it. Eddie brought a hand to his lips and smiled softly at the tender, though surprising memory.

Yes, he’d make sure they stayed together.

_Until death do us part, I guess._


	11. Without Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Richie is back home, hating on himself and his situation. He's torn by the note Eddie gave him in class. Friends-are they still even friends? Or is Eddie mocking him? Whatever it is, Richie's falling into the dark...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone!
> 
> So I'm back with a new chapter. I'm SO sorry it took about four months for a new one. I was going through a very difficult time, grieving, and I couldn't bring myself to write this heart-wrenching fanfic. But here I am now! ;)
> 
> I hope you'll enjoy it! Please note TRIGGER WARNINGS (suicide, self-harm, depression). On this, I'm having a lot of feels with this story.
> 
> Also, please leave comments! It makes me want to write faster for you, guys! Plus, leave kudos, subscribe and bookmark the fic, it makes me happy and I want to please y'all, so I'll keep writing this story ;).
> 
> Enjoy, loves!
> 
> \- MrsSarabiHolmes

His wounds were slowly healing and his bruises were turning yellow-purplish. All his injuries were fading, except for the invisible one tearing his heart apart. Richie, the nerd, the four-eyes, the _fag_ , was hammering the sheets of his bed with his fist, tears pouring down his face. Helpless. Heartbroken. Humiliated. Beaten to a pulp. Ashamed. He felt all that and more. He was indeed a _loser_ , more than the gang thought possible. And what was worse was how Eddie knew this now… The memory of their kiss, Eddie’s soft, tender lips against his, parched for his taste, gnawed at his heart and he sobbed louder.

His sheets were crumpled, but it was nothing compared to the note stuck in his tight fist. He knew it was there, it caused him so much pain, so much deliberation and… it made him feel torn. He clenched his teeth at the thought, trying to stop his sobs from escaping his raw throat. There was nothing to love about him. Yet… Eddie had written him this very note in class. While Richie’d tossed it away, Bev had slipped it back into his hand kindly, reassuring him as he cried that he wasn’t alone. It seemed she wanted him to know she was there, that Bev wouldn’t let him down. He still didn’t understand why she cared so much, but recalling this scene from yesterday seemed to calm his beating heart a bit. He sucked in a breath and blinked.

Richie looked down at his hand, and unclenched his fist. There was the note, with its corners torn and middle rumpled. But still, the words seemed bright to him, almost mocking.

_Together forever, Rich. No matter what._

Was Eddie mocking him? He couldn’t mean these words for him, no one could for what a monster he was… Did Eddie see him for whom he truly was? Or was he playing him around? Either way, Richie couldn’t believe it.

He just could not make up his mind.

His heart beat hard against his ribcage, and he felt like it would burst through due to the intensity of the pain. He rolled on his back and stared at the bare ceiling for a while. But like a dam, his emotions broke through the gate and his sobs doubled.

He shouldn’t be alive. He _couldn’t_ stay alive and face everyone again. Not Eddie, mostly not him…

But what if Eddie was telling the truth? Perhaps he really meant for them to stay best friends, _together_ , no matter what… After all, Eddie had never given him a reason to think otherwise. Richie gulped and wiped at his eyes, sliding his hand under his big glasses.

At the same moment, the doorbell rang. He heard his mother singing a low tune, and she opened the door. Muffled words reached his ears, but it didn’t take him long to realize Eddie was here. Actually, his heart bounced in his chest before his mind clicked at the beautiful voice, and he opened wide eyes. No, no, no, Eddie couldn’t see him! Not like that. Not _ever_. School was already a torture; all these looks, these laughters behind his back… And Eddie and Bev’s pity.

Then, his mother’s strong steps came up the stairs. He quickly hid the note underneath his pillow, bit his lower lip, and wiped aggressively at his eyes. He hoped she wouldn’t notice his tears! Though, it would make no big difference as he’d spent all these last days crying.

“Richard?” Maggie asked in a gentle voice. “I’m coming in.”

Richie sucked in a breath and the door opened. There stood his mom, looking bright and kind as always. She had a soft, almost awkward smile on her face, and she kept fiddling with her fingers.

“Eddie’s downstairs. It would be nice if you came down to see him… It’s been a while, dear.”

Richie shook his head vehemently, frowning. “No!”

Maggie pursed her lips and her brow furrowed slightly. She fiddled even more with her hands, so much she didn’t even know where to put them anymore.

“I think it would do you good to see your friend, Richard…” she said softly, as though trying to soothe him.

Richie closed his eyes at these words. Friend… Were they still friends? He wanted so much more… He wanted Eddie all to himself. He cursed himself for thinking such a thing, and his heart squeezed mercilessly.

“I don’t want to, mom!” he nearly shouted.

_It’s a lie!_

  
Richie wanted to see Eddie. Hell, he craved to see his beautiful, innocent face… But he didn’t deserve him. He didn’t even deserve to _see_ him. And it hurt him so much to tell this lie he could feel his heart fall into a deep abyss, into his guts not to be seen again.

His mom recoiled and grimaced a smile. “Oh… Ok, dear. I’ll… I’ll tell him you still need time to rest.”

She nods as though to convince herself, then leaves with one last sad glance at her son.

Richie struggled with his lips, biting down on them, so he would not cry again. He listened to his mother going down the stairs, then explaining in a muffled voice to Eddie how he could not see his _friend_. Guilt twisted Richie’s soul like a vise, but it was nothing compared to the darkness engulfing him, convincing him he was worth nothing… not even a speck of dirt.

Mostly not Eddie.

As the entrance door closed, Richie burst out crying again. A few seconds passed, then a sweet but high-pitched voice reached him from behind his window.

“RICH! RICHIE, I WANNA SAY…” Eddie shouted. “IT’S OKAY, I GOT YOU!”

Richie rolled to face the window, his eyes opened wide in surprise. His insides melted, his eyes welled up, and his lips quivered.

“YOU HEAR ME, RICH?”

Although he couldn’t see him, Richie nodded, a hand slapped on his mouth to muffle his oncoming sobs. He waited a while, tears dropping on his hand and sheets, but couldn’t hear anything else. Eddie must have gone, sad and rejected, too…

Richie growled and slammed a fist against his bed. Then, he grabbed his head and lifted his head backward against the pillow in despair.

It was like the abyss was closing in on him. He wanted so badly to reach out to Eddie… but there was no escaping the truth.

He loved Eddie.

What if it wasn’t reciprocated?

It was as though his worst fears were all happening at the same time! Well, not all, otherwise Eddie would be dead… He didn’t mind about himself, but Eddie, he couldn’t stand it if _anything_ took him away from him. For a second, a blurred image of puffy red hair and a menacing, knowing smile danced into his mind, but disappeared quickly, like a nightmare that leaves you an unpleasant feeling but no actual memories.

As for himself, Richie thought it would be best if he just stopped breathing.

And meet the darkness wrapping itself around him.

After all, he did deserve it, right?

Eddie deserved a full, happy life unbothered by _him_ and his stupid _affections_. Disgusting even.

  
Richie shuddered, and he groaned, curling up on himself and his pain. His whole body ached with tension and tendrils of pain shot electrical-like shocks through his every cell.

_Eddie… You’re better without me._


End file.
